Whoever said that men and women can't be friends? In most cases, I would say that this is true. One or both men and women just can't seem to get past the gender to form a close friendship like we usually do with our same sex friends. However, there are exemptions to the rule. Once in a while you find that someone of the opposite sex who can be your close ally and friend without fear that your relationship would develop into something else. However, in my case, it's somewhat the opposite. I'm glad that I can be friends with exes. The question is, when does an ex (boyfriend/girlfriend) qualify to be a friend? (How Carrrie Bradshaw and Sex and the City!)
I appreciate Gee and Emil for being supportive and making also the effort to be friends with me after our relationship has ended. Just the other day I was chatting with Emil and it was nice to have things to talk about and be able to joke about the things that are happening in our lives right now. The same day, Gee called from Abu Dhabi just to say hi and see how I was doing. It was also a good feeling to realize that they know me well enough to be still comfortable with me after all these years.
Someone told me that an ex should just be an ex, and they can never be a friend. But I beg to disagree. For most, this might be impossible to do. In my way of thinking, I shared a big part of my life with my exes, it just seems a waste to throw all the effort of getting to know each other and caring for each other just because we have called it quits. Knowing myself is a big part of being able to be friends with my exes. There would always be pleasant and not-so-pleasant memories of being together but I know that those are already over and done with. I would always think fondly of them because of what we shared but I'm not interested to rekindle the past. However, I do acknowledge that those shared experiences made me the person I am right now, a better person. I can also hope that I've contributed to their self-discovery in some way. It also helps that there has been ample time apart to process the ending of a relationship and move on with our lives. There is already acceptance of the things that happened. There is no expectation of getting back together. Both of you can honestly say that there aren't anymore romantic notions in the background. Lastly, I think that the most important consideration is openness of both parties to start a new relationship, a friendship.
So when does an ex become a friend? Simply when you are both ready and willing to be friends.
