Whenever I get into a relationship, one of the things that I give unconditionally is Trust, as in pagtitiwala. Yes, it is something that we need to earn but how can the other person earn it if there wasn’t any to begin with right? I mean, you don’t get into a relationship if you think that that person is not worth your love, support, trust, fidelity, time and effort. So you give all these in the beginning, parang puhunan, a capital to build the relationship on. But lately, I’ve been feeling frustrated with my relationship. James is a really caring, thoughtful and considerate person. But sometimes, he would have what he calls his “relapses”. I don’t get why he can’t understand that I can be friends with my ex-es. Can I help it if I can get over the relationship and start over with friendship? What’s wrong with forwarded messages or paminsan-minsan na kumustahan? I know myself and if I’ve committed myself to making something work then that’s where my energy is going. So why is he still pissed everytime that I receive a text message from someone in my past or we happen to meet someone (could be someone who used to be significant or wishing na significant siya sa buhay ko noon) along the way? Am I already branded because of my previous relationships? Does having previous boyfriends mean that I’m not worhty to be trusted? Hay…I’m just having a catharthic moment. I know that no relationship is perfect, and there would certainly be bumps along the way. I just have high hopes for this relationship, that things would be easier because we understand each other in so many aspects. He was even able to prove to me before that he understands why I’m angry or disappointed by verbalizing the exact reason. This is not to say that we don’t talk about the things bothering us anymore. We still do, and that is one aspect of our relationship which I like. It’s just so hard to make him understand that what’s in the past is over and done with, that friendship is the only thing that I can offer other people because I’m already committed to him.
